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May. 4th, 2017 @ 07:17 pm wasted a day
Current Mood: draineddrained
I am someone prone to escapism (hello I dress up in weird clothes to play with my friends).  And I have a bad habit of binging on something...one time I spent a whole day watching versions of Jane Eyre and reading the book, one time it was Emma...last night I found a copy online of a book series I ADORED when I was in Middle School and High School. I started re-reading it...oops. I realized when I came up for air at 7pm tonight that I had wasted an entire day and I am always left with a weird hangover feeling. Like coming out of an imaginary world and back into my own. I'm SUCH an empath that I get very into whatever I'm watching or reading and walk away with a headache and odd fuzzy feeling...so after feeling like a horrible person for wasting an entire day when I have a huge to do list and a dress to finish I tried to figure out why do I do this to myself?

I think the times I've done this all line up with periods where I'm feeing huge uncertainty and anxiety. Today specifically I was hiding from the healthcare ruling. Do I have a huge pre-existing condition? not yet? well other than a uterus. But Rob has depression, and it IS a hugely big problem in our life If he lost coverage because if it I'm not sure how he would function. 

But I'm also a 33 year old woman who wanted to be a parent, have financial stability and feel like I was contributing to the world...so I'm struggling to find my place. What will not being a mother be like for me? Do I want to move to MA to be with my nieces? Do I want to tell Rob to move to LA in the hopes of him succeeding in an impossible career and him being happy?...yeah I guess no wonder I like to pretend I don't exist in another world sometimes....although that doesn't help this dress get finished. I guess it's 8pm now and I should eat something and try to sew a little. 
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Date:May 5th, 2017 03:03 pm (UTC)
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there's no one to
costume play here
spoze I could go find the voyagers.
basic little house in the prairie.
or maybe make prom dresses
they have things where all the girls
are princesses of without competition
but they get their clothes at walmart?
nothing fancy there.

your skills should make you
invaluable in LA.
can he sign up with an agency online
and go out as a contractor when he has work
instead of a total move then find work?

I'm better on the senate not
falling for the same crap as congress
they are all short timers.